The Golden Shower of Budapest

Do you want to know about the time when a girl almost pissed on me in the middle of a hostel dormitory in the Hungarian capital? Of course you do. 

Flashback to summer 2015 and the inter-railing trip of me and some university friends was drawing to a conclusion. We had just arrived in Budapest from Vienna, via a quick stop in Bratislava to have a poke around, and we were pretty tired after walking around in the energy-sapping summer heat of Slovakia. After an hour or so of hunting down the hostel, we eventually located it tucked down a side street, checked in, and dumped our bags in the 12-bed dormitory we had booked in advance.

Cramped, stuffy, and tinged with that sickly odour that characterises the odd low-budget hostel, it was the worst place we’d stayed during our travels. What it did provide us however, was our favourite moment of the entire trip later that night.

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The look most people have when I tell them this anecdote.

Returning back from a cafeteria-esque eatery not far from our digs, we decided to call it an early night and retreated to our bunks. Luckily, the hostel had organised a pub crawl that evening meaning that most of our dorm mates were out, and we were soon able to get some well-needed sleep. It was around 3am when it happened.

I was deep in slumber when I felt somebody fall onto my legs, waking me up. Initially I thought it was my friend Nia pulling some kind of shit prank on me, so I quietly muttered ‘fuck off’ and gave the mysterious figure a light kick. No movement; it wasn’t Nia. I sat up and glanced down at a random girl who now appeared to be passed out at the foot of my bed. Not wanting to cause a disturbance to the now fully occupied dormitory, I decided to just leave the girl there and get back to sleep.

A few minutes later, I felt a movement coming from my bed companion. I had a quick peek and saw that she was now sitting on the edge of my bed, so I assumed she had now realised she was in the wrong bunk and was about to find her own. How mistaken I was.

Drip drip.

She’s pouring herself a drink of water, I thought. What a clever girl, the rehydration now will probably do her the world of good in the morning.

Splash splash.

She’s spilt her drink on the floor, but oh well, it’ll soon evaporate in this sweatbox.

Gush gush.

Hang on! Is she? Wait a second. I hoisted myself upright and looked down. The girl, still perched on the side of my bed, was now urinating like there was no tomorrow onto the wooden floor below (and getting some on my sheets in the process). The sheer power and duration of her urinary flow was enough to wake several others in the room up, including Nia.

“Jack, what’s going on?” asked Nia.

“SHE’S PISSING ON MY BED! What do I do?!”

“Oh my god, tell her to stop!”

What felt like hours seemed to pass before the yellow river ceased to run, and the girl – now probably around four stone lighter – returned to her supine position.

“Err, so, what do we do about this?” asked a random Australian guy as bewildered as I was.

“We need to tell reception,” said Nia. “Come on Jack.”

Stepping over the lagoon of piss, I followed Nia to the hostel reception desk, which was manned by a girl who didn’t speak the best English.

“A drunk girl has peed on the floor in our room, what should we do?” I asked.

“Sorry, I don’t understand.”

Nia took over using body language to try and get over the point I had failed to make.

“You need towels?”

“Err, yeah? I guess we’ll need towels” I said, aware that the girl still didn’t comprehend what we were trying to tell her.

Nia gave it one more attempt to explain what had happened, this time with success.

“OH OH OH!”

We guided the receptionist to our dorm and I pointed out the culprit. After waking the girl and putting her in her own bed at last, our saviour mopped up the mess, was showered in thanks by us, and finally returned to her desk.

The next morning, I woke up pretty early at around 6.30am and headed to the communal lounge area. Last night’s events were the talk of the town with the Australian guy giving a group of new arrivals the low down on what had go on.

“Did you hear what happened last night?” he asked me soon after I entered the room. “Some girl peed on the floor and on another guy’s bed!”

“I am that guy!” I announced, as if I was the chosen one. The new arrivals flocked around me and I gave them the full inside scoop.

Later that morning, we decided to go to the baths for eight long hours of rest and relaxation, something I felt I needed after my ordeal the night before. The Swedish massage I received was out of this world, and I swear to this day that the masseur had more than four limbs. They were so good in fact, that my friend Hugh had to have a minute or two after his massage to cool off, if you catch my drift *insert aubergine/eggplant emoji here*. A great time was had by all, even if I did find the experience of swimming in the hot pool a little unsettling…

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Széchenyi Thermal Baths, Budapest.

When we returned to the hostel, the pisser had checked out. It wasn’t the last we had heard of her however, as another member of our dorm revealed how they had overheard the girl and her friend talking before they packed their things and left. Apparently, both were so blinding drunk that neither of them could remember getting back to the room, and so were completely oblivious to what had happened. In other words, that girl will never know that she squatted to relieve herself in front of ten strangers in Budapest, and I can’t decide whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. What do you think?

Oh yeah, and while we were out at the baths, a new guest ended up moving into my bed as I hadn’t left anything on it to suggest it was mine. Try and guess whose bed, the sheets of which had not been changed, was now the only free one available for me for our final two nights. You got it.

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14 thoughts on “The Golden Shower of Budapest

      • It’s a really great story!
        Oh cool, I’m guessing you were near Andrássy út then? I was over in the 13th district, about a stone’s throw away from Margithid and Parliament.

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      • It is! I was so spoiled being able to basically walk to Margaret Island, especially when the weather was warmer 🙂
        What were some of the other things you got to see while you where there?

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      • Lucky girl!
        We did a guided walk so managed to see quite a lot in the few days we were there – Shoes on the Danube, Fisherman’s Bastion etc. Also managed to check out one of the main ruins bars, another personal highlight of mine 😉

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  1. OMG! I’m so glad I no longer stay in dorm rooms when I travel, this is horrendous! I wonder if the full horror of what happened eventually came back to the pisser? Perhaps she’s blocked it from memory as it was so awful! I’m headed to Budapest in a few weeks, can’t wait, especially for the baths and a nice massage 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thankfully I think incidents like this are isolated haha! I’m pretty sure she will never remember unfortunately 😦
      You’ll love it I’m sure! The weather will be ideal at this time of year, and absolutely get a massage, so good yet so cheap 🙂 Let me know how you find it!

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